Conversations at a Funeral

The other day I attended a funeral of a friend and afterwards apart from many other conversations had four in particular. The first one said “I will be seeing your eldest brother later today”. The group around me all laughed, saying Dennis is the eldest of the four brothers. The poor chap just did not know what to say and turned a colour of deep red, he was small in stature and became I am sure even smaller.

The second conversation was not as amusing, in fact quite sad, when I was being introduced to the circle one person asked “Are you related to James Troedel” I replied “Yes he is my youngest brother” They then asked what he was now doing and how was he. I answered “I am afraid I cannot answer your question, because I just do not know, even though I have offered invitations for him to join me for lunch, or even just a coffee, so that I could find out and so I could answer your question”.

The third conversation is even sadder. On when being introduced to a third chap later on when he was informed by the introducer that Andrew was my brother. This chap then looked at me and said at the same time “I am sorry your brother is a very dishonest and mean person”. Luckily for me I was already aware of what he was referring to, as some years ago his sister had told me the story of the incident. But what was I to say to this chap – What answer could I give him in front of the circle of people standing with their drinks in their hands around in a circle.

Being the eldest of the four and traditionally the leader, who takes on the mantel of the first born as in the English tradition of carrying on the family name to the next generation who also has feelings for the siblings whom he grew up with, has to take into account the good and the bad of what they have done in their lives. Therefore the act of leadership is to acknowledge the success, failures, and what actions they his brothers themselves have each created, knowing that they themselves alone must take full acceptance and responsibility for what they themselves have done, either honorably or dishonorably, irrespective of any generosity or pain that they may have created or caused to one or all of their brothers.

So what does one answer when such a statement is made, and you happen to be aware that the statement is true, because you already know that the track record of that one brother is one of dishonesty, meanness, and theft?

So what and how did I answer to the statement made about my brother? My answer was “I am sorry that you have had such a bad experience with him, but please realize that we are all not like him, That he has to answer for his own actions and deeds, maybe one day when the ferry man has to be paid that he will realize what a waste his life has been in trying to achieve the impossible through his dishonesty and of his actions”

Finally I met a 89 year old Lady, when being introduced to her she said “Dennis Troedel?” ““Are you really Dennis Troedel”? I answered that it is I. She then asked “Did I remember a Mrs. Black?” Wow! That was 65 years ago, my mind went spinning, and then suddenly I did remember her. She then went on to tell me about how Mrs. Black who had come from our family to look after her family could only say this Dennis Troedel did this, this Dennis Troedel did that! Everything was related to what I had got up to. Just what did I do to this elderly lady sixty odd years ago? I thought gee I did start early impressing ladies even when they were elderly and young child minders.